Tips For Shoplifters:

photo via least wanted

I'd like to note here that I am immensely flattered that customers are not only purchasing pieces from my Fall 2009 collection in shops around the city, they are stealing them as well!

I know it's rough out there, and sometimes you may come across a charming pair of high waisted, wool jacquard vintage inspired floral shorts with a darling scalloped hem and waistband. Sometimes you're faced with questions like:"Geee, can I really afford these gems right now?". Believe me, I'm totally sympathetic towards what may have been your situation, however, I've come up with a few practical alternatives for heisting that perhaps you could have thought of prior to performing your antics:

a) Sell some old kitchen appliances, or your cat, or some chair in your bathroom and use that money to purchase the shorts. If you had contacted me over the weekend before the incident took place, I could have given you the phone number of a guy I know who was looking to buy a rug.

b) Use your credit card, then move to Burma.

c) Fib to your parents, siblings or spouse. Tell them you need to borrow $140 to fill a prescription and blame the current health care situation for the staggering cost.

d) Check for store hours (I'm pretty sure it's open noon till eight) and dilly dally in the dressing room for x amount of hours. Adore yourself in the mirror as you prance around in those splendid shorts! Pose! Go on! Pretend they are yours, then slap yourself in the face and get over it.

~

Though I applaud you for your exquisite taste in pantaloons and find it somewhat endearing that I caused you to commit larceny, I simply can't approve of your shenanigans. As an independent designer, it's ridiculously expensive to maintain a clothing line, especially in NYC. If this is an unavoidable habit you suffer from, may I suggest you steer yourself in the direction of a large corporation next time, and spare us, local DIY designers, from the financial torment?

Lastly, if you're going to snatch my shorts, don't simultaneously purchase a pair of boots using your credit card and certainly don't sign up to be on the boutique's mailing list.

YOU'VE BEEN REPORTED.